Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
