I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
