I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
