dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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