shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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