She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
