3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
