fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
