I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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