I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
