White coat. Heels.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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