That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
