it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
