It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
