I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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