if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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