We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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