yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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