Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
