He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
