apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize