saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Operation Purity has been aborted
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize