No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
