You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
