Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
