i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
