umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
