Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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