I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
