We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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