Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
