he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
