I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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