she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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