jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
