Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this is an emotional support booty call
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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