My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
