He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
