when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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