is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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