My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
