Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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