He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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