So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
