I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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