Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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