I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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