I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
