She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
