she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
