I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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