What a fucking waste of an outfit
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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