dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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