I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
