I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
