Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
cat food counts as protein by the way
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
