How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
