am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
