walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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