You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize