She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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