I skipped work to stalk him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
