I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
