just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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