The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize