I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize