she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
