he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
