apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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